Since August I’ve been trying to save a friendship I just recently learned cannot be saved. At one point in time I considered this individual to be my sister, but obviously I was wrong. I am only human after all.
I should have recognized the signs over a year ago when I could leave a room and no one would realize I was gone until it was time for everyone to leave. One of my friends actually held an intervention with me; the other just sat back and never said a word. I use to think that the one who did confront me was speaking for both of them. I’m not so sure now. Now, I think that she really just did not care whether I was there or not.
Then when I went abroad we basically did not talk at all and that pretty much continued on through the summer. Granted, there were a few random texts here and there so I was not all that concerned. But this past semester I saw things that were the beginning of the patterns of the previous year. Only this time I actually confronted them head on. No change occurred. One of my apartment mates and I tried to be the bigger people by inviting them to things that we were doing, hosting a viewing party for a television show we all enjoy, going to a movie, or the most recent event hosting a Hanukah celebration. ( She even told everyone at dinner that she was giving them Christmas gifts the next nights, they acknowledged that they would be at dinner and did not show up. This friend does not celebrate this holiday but she wanted to do something for them) Each of these times they have turned us down flatly, most of the time without explanation. I tried to tell them that it did disappoint us and they made promises to apologize but none were received.
When my apartment mate got angry at people for saying that they were coming and didn’t (she had spent money on getting food and drinks for everyone) this friend did not try to see both sides of the coin. In fact, from what I gather she did not even want to hear it. She immediately thought that I was also another target to be angry at, even though I had warned her previously that something like this was bound to happen. When I tried to extend the final olive branch she basically said that I was being hostile and did not want to discuss it anymore. All I had tried to do was explain why my apartment mate was so angry.
It is because of this event I have had an epiphany. She does not want to be my friend anymore based on her actions. When I warned her earlier on that if things don’t change then a blow will happen, she rode it off as me being overly dramatic. Then during the semester we have not spent any time together nor know what is going on in each other lives. I know that everyone needs their space, but this friend could have been missing for days and I would not have even known it thinking that she was just hiding out in her room studying for exams.
Based on actions (since actions speak louder than words) she does not want to be my friend anymore. Granted, I would have preferred her saying so rather than suffering through a crumpling illusion. I rescind the olive branch and am now of the opinion that we are no longer friends.
Hard to believe this all involved college-age women. Sounds like middle school doesn’t it? Nevertheless, I’m cutting my losses because if she does not want to be a friend than I’m not going to waste my time and energy on it anymore. Break the chain and be free bird, fly above the clouds and look upon your kingdom. Liars are jailers holding you down, we don’t need them anymore.